


hold me close, and don't let go

by rosegoldje0n



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, And they are the same age, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, They're professors, also, it's really light tho i can't do sad, it's soft and wholesome, oh and yoongi has a black cat, wow i have never thought i will use that tag but here we are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 13:34:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20967392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosegoldje0n/pseuds/rosegoldje0n
Summary: yoongi and namjoon go to hogsmeade on the weekend before halloween. it’s not a date, until it is.🍂moodboard🍂





	hold me close, and don't let go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [polyjoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/polyjoon/gifts).

> namgi have such a unique dynamic and it was a challenge to write them, but i enjoyed the process nonetheless. i have to say though this was a typical example of the story having a mind of its own where you can’t control it and it has to go a certain way or it won’t feel right. i wrote a lot, tweaked it, elaborated more and deleted some parts until it felt right, felt whole, as i read it back. i hope you enjoy, dear recipient ❤️

“hey joon, i was thinking— you know how the kids go down to the village tomorrow and i was wondering— i haven’t properly visited since we were in school and uh— would you mind going with me?” 

namjoon looks up from the essay he’s been correcting for the past half hour, blinking in confusion at yoongi until his words sink in. they’ve been sitting in the library all evening, grading essays in silence, yoongi’s cat, abyss quietly watching over them from the mantlepiece of the fireplace they took residence beside. 

“you want me to go to hogsmeade with you?”

yoongi nods curtly, looking anywhere but at namjoon sitting right across him. there’s a rosy tint to his cheeks. 

the fire cracks every once in a while, loud in the silence of the library. it’s only the two of them left so they can’t even count on the comforting noises of other people’s quills scratching against parchment paper or the sound of heavy pages being turned. only the fire cracking impatiently, as if waiting for an answer too. 

“sure, uh— i haven’t been down there besides picking up some orders. should be fun.” namjoon says, awkward, trying to downplay the bubbling excitement in his belly. but his features betray him, a soft smile appearing on his lips.

“what’s so funny?” yoongi snaps, not unkindly, but with a hint of defensiveness in his tone.

“i just remembered the last time we went to hogsmeade. when we were in school. and all of our friends cancelled and it was only the two of us and we—

“— we drank too much butter beer and got lost in the forbidden forest ‘cause you swore you heard a rare bird _ squeak _ and wanted to find it and mcgonagall had to come and get us and we both got fifty points taken from our houses, yeah, i remember,” yoongi finishes, a wicked smile playing on his lips now too.

“heyy, i heard it, alright,” namjoon protests weakly.

“then where’s the bird, namjoon, did you find it?” 

“— i’m working on it”

“are you now?” he’s teasing him for the blatant lie, seeing right through him. “then please do tell me immediately when you find it. can’t wait to meet the bird that cost slytherin the house cup that year.”

namjoon laughs, skittish, dismissing yoongi with a huffed out_ insufferable _, feeling giddy. 

banter with yoongi always makes him smile like an idiot and he feels like he’s back in school again, foolish with a crush size of a meteorite approaching. bigger by the second. 

cause that’s what yoongi is,_ was _ , he supposes. as he’s not so sure what he is to him right now. what _ they _ are to each other right now.

in school, it was easy. namjoon walked the beaten path of having a crush. yoongi, the small, witty and sharp slytherin friend of hoseok. and insanely cool too, since he was the star seeker of house slytherin’s quidditch team. namjoon remembers watching him fly gracefully across the pitch chasing down the tiny golden flicker, making him feel almost bad about secretly rooting for the enemy. 

he always helped namjoon with his potions homework and never interrupted him when namjoon was rambling about his latest obsession. clever yoongi, who always got the riddle right whenever he visited namjoon in the ravenclaw tower and who always slipped a note to namjoon with the newest password to the slytherin dungeon. of course namjoon had a crush.

but now, yoongi teaches the students potions and sometimes joins hoseok to train the quidditch teams, leaving namjoon staring out of his head, mesmerised, just like he did back then, whenever he walks past the quidditch pitch on weekends during practice hours. yoongi insists on correcting essays with namjoon in the library and he comes to namjoon’s care of magical creatures classes in the afternoons, sitting quietly at the back. he claims it’s because he hasn’t taken the subject in school, and he’s interested and also wants to spend time outside of the dungeons. he comes around the hut randomly, bringing namjoon different concoctions that he brewed by accident (how do you accidentally use up armenian dragon rat fur?) or as a tryout (?), _ see if the hounds like this, just put it on their food, it’s a taste enhancer _ or _ i remembered you said one of your animals had the flu, i made something for it. _and namjoon doesn’t know what to make of any of it.

he gets snapped back to reality by the sound of yoongi slamming his grading book shut, sighing. “i’m done for today. if i see one more essay saying ‘daisy’ instead of ‘daisy roots’ i’m going to make them put the fucking flower in there and watch as the caldruon blows up in their faces,” yoongi says rubbing his eyes.

“tragic,” namjoon deadpans, to which yoongi groans. 

“bold of you to dismiss my concernes over the details, considering your relationship with potion brewing.”

“i was fairly decent by the end, don’t you think?” namjoon muses in a sweet tone that he knows annoys yoongi.

“yeah and why was that?”

“i had a good teacher,” namjoon smiles, triumphant.

“and i’m the insufferable one,” yoongi snorts, corners of his lips quirking up, fond seeping through.

it took namjoon quite some time to realise yoongi’s soft spot for him. it was not until hoseok once teased yoongi over helping namjoon with one of their infamous potions homework. _ yoongi would literally write all of your homework at this point joon, all you gotta do is ask _ , and namjoon watched almost in disbelief as yoongi, hunched over, quill scratching furiously on the parchment paper, mumbled out a small _ shut up _ as his cheeks began to catch color. the prettiest shade of rose against his porcelain skin evident even in the dim lighting of the ravenclaw common room. 

“you coming?”

startled, namjoon looks up to find yoongi’s eyes. waiting. he’s standing now, all his papers and notebooks tucked under his arm, ready to leave.

“uh, yeah.” he starts gathering his own papers too, this essay can wait to be corrected until tomorrow, he won’t get anything done anyway, now that he’s distracted. they’ve been sitting in the library for far too long. it’s late now and he really should get some sleep.

they walk down the stairs in silence, not daring to break the peaceful quiet of the castle this late at night. their only source of light is the one coming out of namjoon’s wand, bright and white, violating the darkness just enough to see in front of them. 

halfway down yoongi trips, stumbling a little forward as he loses balance, grabbing onto namjoon’s outstretched arm that’s surged out in an attempt to catch him. 

“careful there, yoon,” namjoon tells him, fond amusement curling his lips up at the corners in the disguise of the dark.

yoongi curses under his breath in response, not letting go of namjoon’s arm as they resume their descent. and it’s not like he’s gotten closer, they are walking beside each other just the same. but now, with yoongi’s long fingers curling around his forearm, squeezing him lightly, namjoon feels his smile wither, suddenly becoming very aware of their proximity. how their upper arms are pressed together, shoulders almost bumping with each step. how yoongi’s robe brushes against his leg. how he can hear yoongi breathing quietly beside him. he has to remind himself to pay attention to the stairs in front of him, not to trip too.

they come to a halt at the bottom of the last staircase. yoongi has to go down in the direction of the dungeons and namjoon has to leave the castle to get to his hut outside the premises. they both know that, yet they both linger.

namjoon shifts a bit closer, facing yoongi now, who looks up at him, lips parted, a hint of pink on the highs of his cheekbones visible in the pale blue light. he’s still clutching namjoon’s arm, and namjoon feels his skin tingling at the point of contact, even through the layers of cloth. and they’re still just staring, the silence around them becoming charged by each rolling second. something has to give.

“so— when were you planning on going tomorrow? 

“going where?” yoongi breathes airily, eyes glazed as his eyes shift dangerously lower.

“hogsmeade.” 

“oh— uh after lunch maybe.” he tears his eyes away, looking down. ”— i have some things i need to take care of before, yeah.” the rose on his cheeks is in full bloom now and namjoon can feel his own heating up. they are still so close. 

namjoon’s the one to break the spell. too much. and he doesn’t trust himself enough to stay, so he motions to leave, turning away. yoongi drops his hand, releasing namjoon from his grip, taking a step back towards the door that leads deep down and into his bedchambers. 

“okay—“ the silence is maddening. “good night yoongi, see you tomorrow,” namjoon says, flinching internally because how awkward he feels.

”good night joon,” yoongi nods, but then a heartbeat later, he adds “meet me at the lake around four.” and before namjoon can say anything else, yoongi has disappeared down the dark hallway, leaving namjoon dazed and confused, with his heart beating out of rhythm.

§

namjoon is sitting on a bench, looking into the distance, quietly observing the stillness of the lake. his head was swarming with thoughts all night and the knot of nerves in his stomach has been a constant ever since he woke up. and he didn’t even see yoongi at lunch, which is— alright, since he did say he had some things to do, but it didn’t help with the situation in his head. 

but looking at the organised chaos of nature, he feels at peace. the water is nearly black even though the sky above is the bluest of blue, contrasting the muted, brownish tone of the land. it’s late afternoon and the sun is beginning to descend, dousing everything in golden hues, making it feel like magic. namjoon smiles at that. october was always his favourite month. 

the scenery here never changes, he supposes. staring at the same landscape at which he did with yoongi all those years ago. because this was their study spot in the warmer months. they spent a lot of time here. they spent their last sunset as students of hogwarts in this very spot, not knowing if either of them will ever be back. he hasn’t been back in a long time. and it still feels strange to be back. 

when mcgonagall reached out to him after returning to the country from his trip to africa in the spring, he said yes. he wanted a stable job that could tie him down. he was grateful for the opportunity to get to see all these wonderful creatures from up close in their natural habitat. meeting people like him, who love to wander the land and help these animals grow and thrive, protect them and care for them. exchange knowledge in hopes of a better understanding of them. 

all he wanted to do ever since he was a child is to help those in need. and who need more help than those without words. so he took it upon himself to try everything in his power to help. but he reached a point in his life where he craves routine and stability. he knows he could get a wisp of wanderlust at any given time and he doesn’t doubt that it would come eventually, but until then, he wanted to settle. wanted a home. and the idea of returning to a place that has been his home for years didn't seem so bad. he didn’t expect to return to not only his old home but to old feelings as well. 

“having fun?” 

namjoon turns to the direction of the sound only to find yoongi, wrapped up in a big silver and emerald scarf, wearing a suave robe in a green so dark it’s almost black. his hair looks really soft, black locks falling into his dark eyes that are looking at namjoon, glimmering with something he can’t quite name and his lips are curling upwards in a way namjoon knows is when yoongi is trying to hold back a smile, but fails. warmth spreads in namjoon’s chest at the sight.

“actually, yeah, i am,” he says as yoongi sits down beside him on the bench. and namjoon can’t stop staring. the sunlight is illuminating him, bringing out the hidden colours of his complexion. porcelain skin flushed from the cold, the browns of his eyes visible, eyelashes fluttering as he squints, looking out into the distance, observing the lake, just as namjoon was doing mere minutes ago. his breath hitches. 

yoongi is stunning. he knew that already, knew it ever since he met him. but sitting here with him, on the bench near the lake, where they sat countless times before, talking, dreaming, studying, it’s surreal. the memory of their last time floods his mind. the last day of school of seventh year. summer was already setting in, the warm, quiet evening near the lake made it seem like time had stilled, covering them, protecting them from the inevitability that come morning everything they had known was going to be behind them. how he desperately wanted to bare his heart under the languid moonlight, tell yoongi everything he kept hidden. but he didn’t. nor did yoongi.

because he remembers the storm clouds that were obscuring yoongi’s eyes that day. he reckons his own didn’t look so different. but they both knew the truth. saying anything would’ve made the parting worse. they both had very different lives ahead of them. staying silent would hurt less. preserving his feelings as they were, keeping them in a vile seemed like a good compromise. untainted and pure, put away on a shelf as a dear memory. he always wondered if they ever made a magical object where instead of linear memories, you could visit feelings. but even if it existed, would he have the courage to submerge? 

yeah, yoongi is stunning, sitting beside him on the very bench they silently sat years ago, mourning something that never was. life was so different then. almost like they were different people. a different life.

suddenly namjoon can feel something brushing against his foot, breaking him out of his reverie. when he looks down, he sees abyss rubbing against his robe, looking back up at him then nudging him with his head. 

“there you are,” yoongi exclaims, proceeding to pick her up and place her on his lap. she lets out a distraught meow but quickly surrenders, as yoongi starts petting her. his eyes look misty too, and namjoon can’t help but wonder if he was thinking about the same things.

“haven’t seen her since i fed her this morning, but she’s always lurking, aren’t you?“ he explains to namjoon, while looking fondly at abyss, who’s staring contently right back, purring in yoongi’s hands. she’s such a beautiful cat. her fur is the blackest black, hence her name, and she has a small white patch on her forehead in the shape of a waning moon. 

“never took you for a cat person.” namjoon huffs in amazement, observing the pair, because it doesn’t matter how many times he’s seen yoongi with his cat in the past month since they met again, he still can’t quite get used to yoongi being this _ gentle _. and he doesn’t mean it in a condescending way, he really is surprised, because yoongi never showed any interest in animals before. he didn’t even have a regular owl, let alone a pet.

“neither did i,” he says, turning back to namjoon. “i rescued her a few years back when she was still a kitten and at first i didn’t plan on keeping her, just taking care of her until she was strong enough to care for herself, but she grew on me and i love her very much,”

meanwhile abyss grew tired of waiting for yoongi to continue petting her, slid off his lap, seeking another potential petting hand, nudgin namjoon’s, asking. and who is namjoon to refuse.

“i think she likes you,” yoongi says, and when he looks up, he’s met with glimmering eyes and a brilliant smile playing on yoongi’s lips, that fond expression still remaining, mixed with a hint of wistfulness. but as their eyes meet, yoongi looks away, shy, and the roses on his cheeks deepen in color.

“i like her too,” namjoon says, small, redirecting his attention to the purring cat. he can feel the blood thrumming in his ears, heartbeat quickening and the familiar warmth in his chest washing over him in waves despite the chill in the air.

§

“so, what would you like to do?”

they’re almost at the village now, walking along with the students who practically swarmed the path leading into hogsmeade. it’s loud with happy laughter and excited chattering.

“i don’t know, really—“ yoongi mutters into his big scarf. “just wanted to get away from professor duties i guess— hang out for a change.”

“okay—,” namjoon pauses, because okay indeed. yoongi doesn’t usually initiate anything. so he decides to remain in the know. ”then we should definitely go to honeydukes, ‘cause if you think i forgot how much of a sweet tooth you have, you’re greatly mistaken.”

“excuse me? i’m not the one who ate a piece of every candy from the cart on the train to the castle in third year and got sick.”

“i thought we agreed never to speak of it again.”

“oh but you just tried to use my occasional sweet tooth as an excuse to get to honeydukes.”

“occasional my ass, i bet you still keep chocolate frogs in your bedside drawer”

“why do i even put up with you?” yoongi sighs, feigning announce but namjoon knows better.

“because i’m your favourite,” it slips out. it was supposed to be a joke, it was kind of an inside joke. long ago. but it doesn’t feel like the right joke. not right now with too much unresolved tension hanging over their heads.

he quickens his steps, leaving yoongi slightly behind and trying to ignore the heat in his cheeks and the butterflies in his stomach. “come on,” he mumbles, “before the kids buy all the chocolate skeletons, i promised taehyung i’d bring him one.”

§

half an hour later they stumble out of honeydukes with several bags filled with pumpkin pasty, ginger newts, chocolate skeletons, a wide variety of skeletal sweets, liquorice allsorts and each with a self refilling bottle of pumpkin juice. 

“here,” yoongi says as he pulls out a small shoulder bag from under his robe. _ an enchanted bag, huh, smart _, namjoon thinks, as he stuffs everything inside that shouldn’t fit but does anyway.

“i swear to merlin i don’t want to see anything chocolatey for the next century at least” yoongi complains starting to walk leisurely in the crowd. so far they haven’t really been bothered or noticed, apart from a few good afternoon wishes, the students are way too preoccupied with their friends and all the new and exciting things they just bought. especially now that halloween is coming up, namjoon understands them completely. 

the whole town is decorated accordingly and they did not hold back. carved pumpkins of every size and shape are placed in the doorways and shop windows. and with the sun setting and twilight settling in, the candles are being lit, offering an eerie yet warm atmosphere to the whole village. the trees have almost lost all of their foliage, bright coloured leaves that have been swept off the branches litter the cobblestone path. the air is filled with the sweet scent of mulled wine and heavy spices, mingling with the cool earthy scent of the forest nearby. shops are advertising their seasonal treats and offers and he just saw a poster on a lamp post saying that the shrieking shack is awaiting brave visitors who are willing to discover its hidden mysteries. 

he has half a mind to suggest it to yoongi, but then yoongi is mumbling something that he can’t quite make out because of all the noise around them.

“what was that?”

“m’hands are cold,” yoongi repeats and namjoon nearly trips, because yoongi is _ pouting _, looking at his hands that are peeking out from the long sleeves of his robe. 

so without allowing himself time to reconsider, he reaches wordlessly for yoongi’s hands, taking them into his, covering both of them with his bigger ones. the pout on yoongi’s face has turned into a confused pout and namjoon’s heart can take so much. he squeezes lightly, enveloping his cold cold hands, trying to warm them up as much as possible even though his own hands were feeling rather icy just a few moments ago. but now, every inch of skin where he’s in contact with yoongi’s feels like he’s been set on fire. tingles are sparking up and he wonders how can anyone feel cold at all?

confused pout melts into a surprised pout and namjoon can’t tell if the deep flush on yoongi’s cheeks are from the cold or something else. and yoongi is looking at him. right in the eye. his catlike eyes are open wide, looking at namjoon like he’s not quite believing what he’s seeing. 

“joon, wh—?”

“i’m helping.” he says, “ lets go get something warm to drink, come on.” and he begins dragging yoongi, holding onto one hand, clasping his fingers in his grip.

in retrospect he can’t really say what he was thinking. it’s probably safer to say, he wasn’t thinking at all, which would explain why on earth did they end up in front of madam puddifoot’s, of all places.

he pushes the door open, the bell above the door chiming with their arrival. the rush of warm air feels like a soft caress against namjoon’s skin, the sweet scent of cinnamon and cloves hanging heavy in the air. 

the interior is dark and fits every expectation of a cafe around all hallows eve. the small tables are decorated with white lace tablecloths and each of them have three lit candles in an antique looking bronze holder. the windows are obscured by thick burgundy curtains and hidden in the dark corners in the enchanted spiderwebs you can spot flashes of bugs, bats, and scattered bones. it’s a cliche, yes, but it’s done in a manner that it looks and feels authentic. as if the decoration is moving, living, breathing but you can’t really tell if you aren’t paying attention. 

and then he notices the people. every eye seemingly turned their way as they entered. mostly students, each pair leaning as close as possible over the small tables, faces lit only by the weak flickering of candlelight. 

he’s only then realising that he’s still holding yoongi’s hand, when yoongi gently removes his fingers from namjoon’s loosened hold. he can feel his cheeks flaming and his heart sinking all of a sudden. he’s an absolute idiot. 

“good evening professors, nice to see you out and about. what can i help you with?” the old lady at the counter dressed in an all black lace robe asks kindly, interrupting namjoon’s impending crises. 

“a private booth, please,” yoongi says curtly before namjoon can even comprehend the question. his answer was firm but he still sounded a touch breathless to namjoon. 

“very well gentlemen, follow me,” she nods, then drags away a piece of curtain from behind her, revealing a spiral staircase. “third door on the left.”

yoongi takes the lead and namjoon follows, stunned by everything that has happened in the past minute or so.

when they reach the top of the staircase there’s a barely lit corridor with doors on the left side, and yoongi goes for the third as instructed.

namjoon doesn’t know what he was expecting, really, to be honest, he wasn't expecting anything. but as the door opens, he can see a tiny booth with wooden panels on both sides and a railing right in front for him, from where you can look down on the entire ground floor of the cafe. their table is decorated similarly to the ones below, but the atmosphere here is much more reserved, private. it’s just the two of them now, and apparently no one can see them, because from below, there is no indication of second floor and namjoon’s heart skips a beat at the thought of being left entirely undisturbed with yoongi.

“i— i’m sorry for just dragging you in here, i don’t know what i was i thinking, i should’ve asked you first,” namjoon blurts out, feeling rather stupid, cause _ really namjoon? what are you, seventeen? get a grip _.

“s’okay, i didn't mind.” yoongi shrugs, dissolving any awkward tension namjoon might’ve felt mere seconds ago. “nice to see you taking charge.” he continues with a playful smirk, and namjoon is just baffled at the bluntness. he can’t possibly.. but then, the past few weeks have been confusing enough regarding yoongi, so he shouldn’t really question his intuition at this point._ just go with the flow, namjoon, damn it. _

his inner hype monologue doesn’t help the fact that his cheeks flame up, but he still manages to reply with a “never pinned you for someone who likes that sort of thing”

“likes what?” yoongi breathes out, leaning forward in his seat. there’s a mischievous glint in his eyes and a teasing smirk on his lips.

“being manhandled.” 

yoongi laughs at that. all gummy smile and everything and namjoon thinks the shame that’s threatening to swallow him whole by saying that out loud is worth it if he gets a reaction like that.

“anyway,” namjoon clears his throat, trying to gain back his composure, “how did you find out about this booth section, like, no one mentioned this to me before.”

“it’s for professors,” yoongi tells him, eyes trained on the menu now, inspecting the available choices.

“i read it in the brochure mcgonagall gave me when i arrived.”

“oh, that.” namjoon remembers his own brochure, of course he does. he also remembers putting it in his drawer and never taking it out to actually read it.

“and how do you order? is the lady gonna come up and take our orders?” namjoon asks turning automatically towards the closed door behind him.

“no,” yoongi chuckles, and namjoon’s stomach does a flip. “what are you gonna get?”

“whatever you’re having is fine.” he gulps.

”okay,” yoongi says and busies himself by taking out his quill from his bag and writing down a 42 on two separate pieces of parchment paper taken from a stack beside the candles. then he brings the small pieces into the flame, which catch fire and dissolve into nothing. 

namjoon just sits there, staring at the process, mesmerised by yoongi’s movements.

“our drinks are gonna appear the same as food appears on the tables in the big hall. same concept only on a smaller scale.” yoongi explains in a low raspy voice, making it hard to concentrate on what he’s actually saying.

but yeah, that makes sense. namjoon nods along in understanding. but before he can begin to say anything, two big mugs appear on the table, steaming and smelling absolutely delicious. like autumn in a cup. 

“woah” he exclaims, taken aback, because he wasn’t expecting it to happen this fast. “smells amazing, what is this?”

“uh, i don’t really know, it said this is a special muggle seasonal favourite. pumpkin spice latte? if i read that correctly. thought it could be fun to try.”

and okay wait a minute. namjoon is looking at yoongi all suspicious now, not saying anything. just looking. contemplating as to how to say this.

“what?” yoongi asks, noticing.

“since when are you trying out drinks _ for fun _? if i remember correctly you refused to drink anything besides straight black coffee since the day you discovered coffee. i’ve been wondering this past month what’s changed because don’t even try to deny something is different, you’re talking way more than usual and you keep doing these things that the yoongi i knew in school would never even consider. i mean, what happened? don’t get me wrong, i don’t think it’s a bad thing, not at all, i’m just trying to understand you and i have nothing.” namjoon finishes, slumping back in his chair, wondering if he crossed a line.

yoongi is silent for a long moment, looking at him in a way that namjoon’s having trouble breathing evenly. his stare is intense, almost piercing. like trying to see through him.

“you never confronted me like this before, so i guess i’m not the only one who’s changed.” he says, looking down at his hands on top of the table.

“yoon—“ but before namjoon can start to apologize, yoongi continues.

“guess i realised along the years that, despite the world we live in, certain things will not just magically appear in my life if i don’t do anything for them to actually do.” yoongi starts out, picking at the skin on his finger. 

“you know you said old yoongi wouldn’t even consider doing the things i do now, but you’re wrong.” he smiles at that bitterly, taking a stuttering breath before continuing. “ i have always thought of being more open, more daring. but i was too proud and stuck up to admit to what i wanted. i just realised i need to put myself out into the world a bit more. and it's a process. it’s still an effort and it doesn’t come naturally but i— it’s better. i_ like _ it better.” 

“i’m happy for you.” namjoon says after a beat of silence. he reaches over to place his hand over yoongi’s, squeezing it lightly. yoongi exhales like he’s been holding his breath for a long time.

“and thank you for being honest with me.” namjoon continues, looking down at their hands, at how yoongi has wrapped his fingers around his, and how delicate he feels in namjoon’s hand. it’s completely different from earlier. as much as their previous hand holding has given namjoon a rush, now he feels completely at peace as he’s brushing his thumb across yoongi’s knuckles. it’s just as soothing for him as he’s intended it to be for yoongi.

they sit like that in the consoling silence, and when namjoon looks up at him, yoongi is staring at their hands too, lost in thought, with the faintest of rose dusted high on his cheeks. it’s a beautiful color on him, namjoon thinks just as yoongi lifts his gaze, meeting namjoon’s. and for the first time, namjoon doesn’t panic; he smiles at him softly, gives yoongi’s hand a final squeeze before drawing it back to wrap around his steaming mug.

“let’s see this muggle drink of yours.”

§

they leave the cafe quite late. they talked and talked about everything and nothing at all, getting lost in the retelling their own memories and each other’s company.

namjoon told yoongi about his trips and his favourite encounters with some of the animals and yoongi told him about his internship at the ministry and how fascinating it was to work with the aurors and also about his research on alchemy. they didn’t touch heavier topics like at the beginning but it didn’t make it awkward. quite the opposite, actually. the vulnerability made way for easier talk. 

they stumble out of the cafe into the cold dark night. it must be really late, because there are only locals walking on the street and the only light is coming from the sparsely spaced lamp post and the dimly lit shop windows. the jack o'lanterns are even more impressive in the night with their wavering eyes. 

“namjoon, let’s go, it’s really cold,” yoongi almost whines, tugging on namjoon’s sleeve to get him to walk faster. 

so they walk together in silence, side by side, all the way back to the property. namjoon would take his time if he were alone, he loves the fresh stinging air at night, the smell of decaying leaves sharp and clear in the air. he finds the quiet stillness surrounding him comforting. 

but right now yoongi’s taking up all his thoughts. he didn’t expect him to be this straightforward and honest right away, and for conversation to flow so easily after such a long time. this evening shifted between them something. yoongi is walking beside him as he did many times before but somehow he feels _ closer _. it seems like they’re back where they left off and it both makes namjoon nervous and excited. 

he can’t stop thinking about what yoongi said, about how vulnerable he let himself be in front of namjoon’s and maybe namjoon can give something back by being honest too. he can already see the silhouette of his hut in the distance, so he thinks now is the chance to say what he wants. 

“remember the bird i said i heard the last time we walked back together like this?”

“please don’t say you heard it again i don't wanna go into the forest,” yoongi groans. 

“well, no. actually i— i need to tell you something.” he takes a deep breath. “i didn’t hear any bird that night, in fact, there’s no such bird to begin with. i made it up. i lied.”

“why are you telling me this now?”

“because i want to be honest too. and the reason i lied is because i just wanted to spend more time with you that night. we were tipsy and that seemed like a perfectly fine excuse to make you stay. i didn’t really expect you to play along but you did and i was so happy.” namjoon sighs, coming to a halt in front of the porch. yoongi stops right in front of him.

“i was the happiest when you were around. and that never changed. i still feel the same. i want you around,” namjoon continues, looking down, unable to look yoongi in the eye. he used so many words he uses every day and all of them feel so mundane. and for them to convey something so important that’s been weighing him down for so long seems almost laughable. 

“you know you could’ve just told me to stay and i would have,” yoongi whispers. “not just then, but other times too. i would’ve stayed with you. i really wanted to stay,” yoongi lets out a soft sigh before adding, a hint of desperation in his voice. “i should have said something that night, i know that now. and i regret it. i should’ve said something, i— i should’ve done something.”

“no, don’t blame yourself. it was not the right time. we were so young—” namjoon offers kindly, but it’s a weak attempt and he knows it.

“yeah but it still felt wrong to let you go. i missed you, joon. so much.”

“i missed you too,” namjoon says, bringing his hand up to hold yoongi’s face, thumb brushing across his cheek. he leans into namjoon’s touch, smooth skin feverish against his cold fingertips.

“but can i kiss you now?” yoongi asks, out of the blue, looking up at namjoon with those gentle sparks in his eyes, hopeful and scared. namjoon’s heart aches beautifully.

he nods, awestruck, not trusting his voice, because there’s a lump in his throat, his heart is beating fast and loud and he doesn’t really know what is happening anymore. 

and like that he can feel yoongi wrap his arms around his neck, bringing their faces closer, so close namjoon can feel yoongi's hot breath fan out on his cheeks. 

at first it’s just a brush of their lips, tentative and shy. namjoon lets out a stuttering breath, lips falling open. then yoongi is moving forward again with more incentive, capturing namjoon’s bottom lip, and namjoon kisses back in an instant. it’s a fairly innocent kiss, lips moving against each other languidly, testing the waters, getting attuned to each other in an entirely new way. 

yoongi’s hand finds its way into namjoon’s hair, keeping him in place and deepening the kiss, tongue darting out to coax namjoon’s mouth open. and namjoon complies, letting yoongi kiss him a touch rougher, deeper and he kisses him back eagerly.

eventually they break apart, foreheads pressed together, panting for air.

“i wanted to kiss you ever since the day you ran into the slytherin common room with the biggest smile on your face looking for me to tell me you got an a on that stupid potions essay you wrote with my help.” yoongi says, sounding breathless.

“i wanted to kiss you ever since you sat down across from me in the library to help me write that essay” namjoon breathes out, smiling mostly to himself.

yoongi laughs weakly, fingers gently playing with the soft strands of hair at namjoon’s nape. he moves away, looking up at namjoon, eyes sparkling and a smile curving his lips. 

“i guess that makes us both idiots.”

“i guess so,” namjoon’s agrees and surges forward to capture yoongi’s lips again.

“sleep here tonight,” namjoon breathes against yoongi’s lips, mind hazy from the feel of yoongi’s soft lips pressed against his own.

“joonie—“ yoongi says, uncertain, and namjoon realises suddenly how that sounded and gosh, he didn't mean it like that.

“not like that,” he echoes his thoughts, “i mean—“ namjoon fumbles with his words, because he really doesn’t want to mess this up. so he goes for transparent truth. “i wanna fall asleep next to you. i wanna be close. that’s all. i don’t wanna rush anything like, we don’t have to— ”

“does this offer include cuddles and more kisses?” yoongi asks after a moment of consideration with a hint of a shy smile tugging at his lips.

“yeah.” namjoon nods, face breaking out in a big smile.

“then yeah, i wanna,” he says, kissing namjoon briefly on the corner of his mouth, smiling too, before grabbing his hand and dragging him towards the door.

§

later that night, namjoon is lying awake in his bed, the only sounds coming from the fire gently cracking in the fireplace and from the mechanical arms of the clock ticking away on his bedside. yoongi is asleep in his arms, breathing gently against his chest. namjoon still can’t wrap his mind around how they got here but they’re here and he’s so _ happy _. the warm weight of yoongi’s body pressed against his is overwhelming.

suddenly there’s a quiet rustling in the silence of the night and for a second fear washes over him but then it all dissipates when he sees the pair of gleaming eyes staring at him from the darkness, followed by a soft ‘meow’. 

“how did you get here, abyss?” namjoon whispers as the cat jumps up on the bed and curls up on yoongi’s side, ignoring namjoon completely. namjoon smiles, shaking his head in disbelief, turning back to yoongi, and pressing a soft kiss to his temple, lingering for a few moments, because he can and because wants to.

yoongi stirs, taking in a deeper breath, hugging namjoon closer as he settles back on his chest with a sigh, breathing evening out once again. namjoon’s heart is racing at the sight, his chest overflowing with fondness more and more with each beat, and he’s afraid it might spill. because yoongi is absolutely breathtaking, as his soft features are illuminated only by the pale moonlight shining through the windows.

and when he finally closes his eyes, sleep finds him almost instantly and he sleeps better than he can remember he did in a long time.

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you think 💕
> 
> come say hi on [twitter ](http://twitter.com/rosegoldje0n) and [tumblr](http://rosegoldje0n.tumblr.com)!


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